Second Time Around
by 7gifts
Summary: "She could never love him that is what she tells herself every time…"
1. Chapter 1

******Rating:** PG

**Synopsis:** This is a post Season 6 AU on Dan and Blair's relationship with a brief prologue highlighting their Season 4/5 relationship. "She could never love him that is what she tells herself every time…"

**Author's Notes:** There are two styles of writing used here as I was experimenting. The prologue has a poem like structure while the rest of the fic is prose. Please let me know which you like best.

I haven't seen Season 6 or most of Season 5 (except for a few photographs), so I may have taken some artistic license here and there e.g. Dan and Serena's wedding venue, honeymoon; Blair's involvement in Dan and Serena's wedding, the identity of Gossip Girl was never revealed, she just faded into obscurity after they graduated from college, etc.

No betas all mistakes are mine. Constructive criticisms are lush/appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** Gossip Girl does not belong to me. I am writing this story for the fun of it and no money is being made.

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**Prologue**

She could never love him.

That is what she tells herself every time they meet for coffee, when he visits, sleeps over or when they have brunch.

It scares her how in sync they are. She has never had that much synergy with anyone. She is surprised that it is happening with him.

This can not be her life!

It amazes how much he gets her but, yet how much he doesn't. It is tempting to remain in this cocoon. It's safe, no dramas. It offers some sort of normalcy that she has never experienced.

But, then she reminds herself that he is everything she detests and despises; a bourgeois know it all and judgmental to boot.

He is beneath her, lower than a minion. She must have had been possessed to have ever gone there.

She could never love him that is what she tells herself but, then maybe she might love him just a little.

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**Chapter 1 - No Longer At Ease**

Is it possible to love two men?

That's the unbidden moral dilemma that befuddles her as she gazes at the couple standing at the aisle.

Part of her wonders if things hadn't taken its course if that would have been her standing there right next to his slicked back gelled overgrown hair, dark silver suit wearing hobo with a five o' clock shadow.

Even though he looks a mixture of untamed and something else, something within her is shaken in a primal way; she has not felt this way in years.

Her eyes meets Chuck and she gives him a dashing smile, it puts her at ease momentarily but, the door to all she had suppressed is already open and it's too late to shut it now.

The wedding goes on without a hitch, Serena is all smiles and glowing, while Dan looks like his won the jackpot. Together they look ecstatic and she would not have wanted it any other way.

By eleven pm everyone in attendance bid the newlyweds goodbye as they hop into the limo that would take them to the airport where they will be boarding the Bass Jet to Mauritius; a wedding present courtesy of she and Chuck.

She hangs back till the end with Dorota in tow as she oversees the cleaning up and the catering staff out of the premises. Chuck had left earlier with Henry.

After all the cleaning is done and she convinces Dorota to go home to Vanya and the children, she collapses on one of the warm coloured chairs and gazes at the empty hall deep in thought.

The security guard calling out Mrs Bass draws her out of her reverie.

"Mrs Bass...Mrs Bass your car is here."

She gives him a beatific smile and tells him she'll be out shortly. After all these years of marriage it is still surreal being referred to as Mrs Bass.

After a final cursory glance at the hall, she rises from the chair gracefully and makes her way to her town car.

Chuck is waiting for her in the living room when she gets home. The glass of scotch in his hand makes a swishing sound as it hits the glass due to the gradual pendulum swing of his arm as he reclines on their _Louise Philippe_ armchair.

He places the glass on the _rosewood wine table_ residing beside the armchair purposefully then gets up and makes his way towards her; there is something predatory in his stride.

His breath ghosts around her neck and it makes her shiver and shudder simultaneously. He rains crushing kisses across her nape of her neck while his arms hold her tightly.

Not tonight she thinks, she is spent from all the wedding organizing and coordinating. All she wants is a nice bath and to sleep but, she doesn't want him to see this as a snub. Gently she places her right hand under his chin and turns his face towards hers. There are no words exchanged except a deep kiss and engulfing him in an extended hug. It does the trick; he gets her silent message and arm in arm they make their way to their bedroom together.

Not before long Chuck is out like a light, she extricates herself from his arms and goes into the walk in closet to undress.

After a long soak in their _Archeo Copper_ bathtub she changes into her negligee.

She checks on Henry. He has kicked of his coverlet and his head is now at the foot of the bed. She moves him to a better position gently in order not to wake him and tucks him in. With a gentle kiss on his brow, she exits Henry's room and joins Chuck in their bed. She leans down to give him a peck on the cheek and snuggles into the bed next to him.

And as she drifts into sleep, she sees obscure images that remind her of bed and broomsticks, shaggy curls and Brooklyn alley ways.

Serena and Dan live in LA now which means that she rarely sees Dan and Serena. Serena is a producer on NBC while Dan is a freelance writer for a few of the big publications on the east and west coast plus a novelist and budding screen writer.

Two years after their society wedding, Serena calls to tell her that she and Dan are getting a divorce. Serena says that it is an amicable split. She and Dan came to the realization that they are different people and decided to break things off before they began to hate each other. Blair can't seem to get her head around this bit of news; she thought Dan was it for Serena.

Dan moves back to New York a few months later after their divorce is settled. Blair heard through the grapevine that Dan moved back to Brooklyn and is staying with his Dad temporarily until he can sort himself out. She reminds herself to invite him for one of her garden parties to help him settle back into the New York state of mind.

She bumps into Dan at one of the New York fashion week parties a few months later, his press - she didn't think this was his kind of thing. He says his doing it as a favour for a friend whose appointed journalist took ill with meningitis unexpectedly. When she is not networking she hangs back and makes idle chitchat with him for old times sake as she knows this is not his type of gig. Silently she commends herself on doing a charitable deed after witnessing the atrocious collections on display. Like Anne Wintour she pursed her lips throughout most of the show.

After that she bumps into him again at one of Anne Wintour's dos and again they pickup like old friends.

She finds herself making plans for them to meet up for coffee; it is more of her demanding his presence. She doesn't want him to be lonely.

People say familiarity breeds contempt but, in her case she finds it endearing. The regular meet ups reintroduces her to his quirks like how he throws back his head when he laughs or the ways he chews at his pen when he thinking about something or how he is able to keep up with her cultural, literary and art references which most people around her don't get. She hasn't felt this alive in years.

If Chuck is her sexual awakening then Dan is her emotional awakening. Is she really a terrible person for wanting them both?

Dan takes the decision out of her hands on a gorgeous sunny winter day in Central Park. The weather was cold and brisk, her cheeks and nose were rosy from the blast of cold air hitting her face as she twirled round on the ice with glee and with no care in the world. Dan is by her side, their hands are clasped as she introduces him to her childhood past time. Dan is not a very good skater.

When they pause momentarily on the sides for Dan to catch his breath momentarily before they went on the ice again; a sudden boldness comes upon her and she puts her lips against his.

She doesn't know why she did it. Maybe it is the laughter that escaped from their lips as they skated or the _joie de vivre_ in the air, she really can't put a finger on it but, she likens it to an invisible force or maybe a little red Blair on her shoulder causing her to forget her vows to Chuck and do something incredibly stupid, something that she wouldn't have dared if gossip girl was still around.

He wrenched himself away from her as soon as it happened looking aghast. With an almost waddle and many near trips he runs away from her.

She gets a text from him later telling her it would be best if they did not hang out again. As far as she concerned this was a nightmare that never happened.

It would have been easier to continue with her charade if he was still a nobody from Brooklyn but, as an accomplished author, freelance writer with one Hollywood blockbuster under his belt he is often invited to parties she and Chuck are invited to and much to her irritation people like him.

She started to share a few anecdotes about his years as a nobody from Brooklyn. It deterred a few people but, most still like him and his rags to riches story is a major selling point and makes him a poster boy of the American Dream.

Things come to a head when she is reading Page 6 and finds out that he is shacking up with Mila Kunis. It is one thing for the Dan Humphreys of the world to date Serena Van Der Woodsen due to the proximity of St Judes and Constance. Everyone knows that Serena is an equal opportunities person. Humphrey is dating Mila Kunis? It is clear she is in some alternative universe.

She doesn't realize when she lets out an unconscious noise from her throat which ends up sounding like a guttural scream.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** Thank you all for your kind reviews, I am truly honored that you are enjoying my story.

I initially set out to write two chapters however, two turned into three and now I am looking at possibly four chapters. But, then who knows where inspiration might take me.

I hope you like this chapter!

No betas all mistakes are mine. Constructive criticisms are lush/appreciated.

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**Chapter 2 – How Do You Solve A Problem Like Humphrey!**

Mila Kunis! Mila Kunis! Mila Kunis! Maybe if she says the name often enough in her head, Mila Kunis and her fixture in Dan's life will disappear into thin air.

Chuck knows!

How he knows she doesn't understand. But then again this is Chuck he has the means and ways of knowing these things. Even things that one does not dare speak its name.

He tells her to end _it_; _by any means necessary_.

She doesn't know how to end _it_ when she does not even know what _it_ means.

She is not very good at accepting that some things may be unattainable to her so, she makes sure that she is unavoidable to him. Making sure that they just happen to bump into each other at places she knows he will be. She ensures that Mila know in private that he loved her first, wrote a book about her and was willing to be a surrogate father to her unborn child. And that if she had accepted his love he would have never married Serena. Loving her almost destroyed him that goes to show much he loves her; take that Mila Kunis!

In addition, She also ensures that whenever she and Dan happen to be alone together that she does all those things he loves about that drives him crazy like call him _Dan_ repeatedly in a breathy voice but, he does not seem to take the bait.

She thinks he is avoiding her.

She hasn't seen Humphrey much in months except when she surreptitiously scores gossip mags, sites and newspapers for info on his romance with Mila Kunis; apparently they are spending most of their time in the Malibu house and not their place on the Upper West Side (UWE). Who knew it was possible to separate Humphrey from Brooklyn; not that UWE or Malibu could compare to UES in anyway.

The last time she saw Humphrey was at the Met Ball; he was Mila's date. She mentioned to Mila in front of Humphrey and Chuck "It must be a downgrade going from the likes of Macaulay Culkin, Justin Timberlake and Aston Kutcher to Daniel Humphrey from Brooklyn!" She doesn't understand why there was a harrumph from everyone around her, she was doing both Mila and Humphrey a favour by mentioning what everyone was thinking.

She decides to take the bull (_it_) by the horns and goes to Brooklyn, armed with charm and sweetness in order to elicit Dan's address from Rufus. Rufus is not bowled over by her charms and pleads with her to let Dan be. She doesn't understand what he is talking about. All this hassle/nonsense because Dan is dating that fat girl from a cartoon.

From her many sources she is able to trace Dan whereabouts, he is currently back in New York for a few days and staying at his place in the Upper West Side (UWS) while Mila is in Australia filming.

On sunny spring morning she wraps up her hair in Audrey style a la Breakfast at Tiffany's, wears a black chiffon dress that clings to her in all the right places and embarks on a journey.

As the town car drives through the UWS she observes her surroundings and internalizes on how UWS is filled with bookish and artistic types; it is so Humphrey!

Humphrey's building is pre-war brownstone overlooking Central park. From the outside the apartment is almost as good as her place. The inside has a minimalist modern twist with a Guggenheim sweep-style staircase; a very different feel from the almost cluttered Brooklyn loft.

Dan doesn't look pleased to see her and she doesn't understand why. He is a nice host though and he offers her a drink, she requests a martini - Dutch courage is required here.

As he makes her a martini with gin at the bar that is situated in the left corner of the living room she sinks into the white settee across from it.

On finishing her drink, Dan makes his way towards her and places the drink on the coffee table that is right in front of the settee. She gulps down her drink swiftly and stretches her empty glass towards Dan for a refill. He takes the glass from her with a concerned look and makes her another drink. She gulps the next one down with gusto and asks for more.

"Seriously Blair, what's wrong?"

She does not know how to articulate it in words so she rises from her seat towards his direction and latches her lips to his. Slowly he begins to let her in and she goes in for the kill. Before she can go further with her arsenal he wrenches himself from her and wipes his lips with the back of his left hand and stares at her in mortification, he is trying to form a sentence but, ends up at loss for words, stuttering which leaves his mouth often agape.

She does not want to think, she does not want him to think either; the need to do this/something for her sanity sake is overtakes her. She moves closer to Dan and starts raining soft drawn kisses along with jaw line making sure her body brushes against his as she does this. She stops the attack on his jaw line and begins to play with the lapels of his shirt, telling him what she wants to do him in the sultry whisper she does when she wants to seduce and get her man. Her body sways from side seductively as she does this. Gently she moves the hand tracing his lapels to glide them down his chest slowly, and as her hands descend down his chest he grabs her hands and puts some distance between them.

She lets out a groan of frustration. "Seriously Humphrey what is your problem?"

He tells her the problem is that he does not know what is wrong with her that she would want to cheat on her husband or make him cheat on his girlfriend.

She tells him with smugness in her voice that Chuck gave her his blessing.

Dan then asks her whether this is some sick game that she and Chuck have concocted and he happens to be the pawn. He vehemently refuses to be a pawn again in the Chuck and Blair show.

She tells him it is not a game, she has an itch only he can scratch and Chuck wants her to make it go away by any means necessary.

He lets out a guttural sound and drops her hands like it is poison and puts further distance between them.

Dan pushes his hand through his hair and then crosses his hands across his chest looking at her with frustration and disgust in his eyes.

He tells he does not understand, he thought Chuck was it for her. From his understanding she wanted Chuck, she loved Chuck and he accepted that. He does not understand what this is.

Dan then shakes his head and laughs bitterly and continues. He always understood that she she never loved him (Dan) or had any respect for him, he thought that due to their short lived friendship that she had some grain of regard or liked him but, now he sees that she does not even have that for him. In fact it is clear to him now that he means less than nothing to her but, a means to an end, to use her own words "to scratch her itch" and jeopardise his relationship just "to scratch her itch".

After his vitriol he calms down and asks her to leave.

She has never been good at accepting defeat. Instead of doing as he asks she starts to attack him. There are many unfair things she utters but, she does not care. It is his fault she feels this way. She never asked him to be her friend or make her feel this way, in fact she never asked him for anything, he was the one who promised that she would always have him and now that she is here to collect he dares speak to her this way.

Instead of responding, he just raises his hand in defeat and says "I'm done!" and walks out of his own apartment, slamming the door behind him.

At that point she walks back to the white settee she had earlier vacated and collapses on it; she covers her eyes with her hands and begins to cry her heart out.

She does not know how long she sits there crying or how long Dan has been gone. She can't keep the hurt and pain at bay, the tears and the pain in her chest don't seem to stop.

The slamming of the door wakes her from her stupor; at some point she must have curled up on the settee while crying and must have slept off.

Dan walks into the living room and says "You're still here!" as he switches on the light.

A bright beam shines from the crystal chandelier in the center of the room And illuminates the room. She spares a quick glance out the window and realizes that it is dark outside. How long had she been sleeping for? How long was Dan out?

She gradually uncurls and sits straight. Her eyes feel gritty, she is sure that they must be red and puffy from all the crying. She thinks Dan can that too because his angry scowl is replaced with a look of concern. He throws his keys on the table and kneels in front of her with that concerned look still etched on his face.

She blurts out "I'm sorry, I did not mean for ythis to happen or for you to hate me."

He tells her that he could never hate her even if he tried. This gives her some comfort.

Dan grabs her hands and asks her in that earnest way of his what is wrong. She tells him that she doesn't know what's wrong, she really wishes she knows. He wants to know why the drama this afternoon happened, she owes him that.

Hanging her head, she repeats that she does not know. All that she knows that ever since he has been back in New York post the divorce she has the urge to be in close proximity to him. She doesn't know why, he is Humphrey and from Brooklyn. It occurs to her that she may be going insane, that is the only thing that can explain this debacle.

He puts his hand under her chin and causes her to face him and says maybe he is not the problem and there is another underlying problem that she is not facing. And that wanting him or her itch is not the real problem but, a symptom. He knows her and this is not her. He also knows that she loves Chuck and whatever this was, is a moment of temporary insanity or a passing facing.

If this is a passing fancy how come it has reverberated in her heart for more than a year? If this is a passing fancy how come Chuck asked her to fix _it_? Maybe Humphrey does not know her as much as he thinks he does.

As she looks at him and takes in her surroundings, she is ashamed of what had transpired here. Ashamed that out of desperation she threw herself at Humphrey, gosh she really hates herself right now and wishes to be anywhere but here!

She hates to accept defeat especially from those who she deems are beneath her, she pushes Humphrey aside, stands up and adjusts her dress, grabs her purse and walks out of his penthouse with her head held high.

As her town car takes her back home, she sends a threatening text to Humphrey telling him that if he tells a soul about what transpired at his place today she would make his life hell; Humphrey texts her that she might as well because, he told Mila everything when he left her alone in his house.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Thank you all for your reviews, favorites and followings; I am honored that you like my story.

Kats as suggested I added more dialog. Let me know if it adds or detracts from the story (this applies to everyone too please).

Like always, no beta, all mistakes are mine.

I have rewritten this chapter so many times and I decided to stop messing around with it and just post. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.

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**Chapter 3 – Catharsis and Befuddlement**

_She cannot possibly love him, that is what she continues to tell herself_

_The truth is she does not want to love him; she just can't! _

_She does not care for poems that wax lyrical "that love that is love alters not what alteration finds" [6] _

_Who cares what the bard thinks the year is 2019 not 1609_

_This...this can't possibly be her life! _

Befuddlement is a mental state characterized by a lack of clear and orderly thought and behavior; "a confusion of impressions."

Blair looks up the word in the dictionary that is on the bedside table. It is not that she does not know what the word 'befuddlement' means; she just wanted a clearer and more succinct definition.

She is clearly in a befuddled state because she still unsure of what it is.

Five days after the scene at Dan's place, she hid in one of the guest bedrooms. She only intended to be there overnight while she licked her wounds; hoping to let out steam after the encounter and hide the deep sorrow and regret from Chuck's prying eyes. More importantly she wanted to shield Henry from mommy's supposed temporary psychosis.

Overnight has turned to a week. The longer she stays in the room the more she is gripped with fear: fear of the unknown; fear for her sanity; fear of the tongues that were lashing at her misdemeanors; the fear that she was now a laughing stock. She could not show her face in society again, ooh the shame!

Installing the dumbwaiter elevators when they moved into this apartment is a God send. Dorota has been using it to send her food and sundries.

She likes it here in her safe haven.

Scrunching up her nose slightly, she identifies that the en-suite bathroom is beginning to emit a putrid stench from her bulimic emissions. She will get Dorota to clean up in there once she is sure Chuck and Henry are out for the day.

Pushing her face mask over her face, she snuggles further into the duvet and tries to kill the many thoughts and images in her head.

She is shaken from her stupor when Chuck breaks in with Dorota and Henry in tow; well Chuck gets the help to break in and gives him a $100 bill for his trouble.

Chucks walks into the room menacingly stopping at the foot of the bed. He looks furious.

"I thought I told you to fix it." He said pointedly. "Instead you are hiding here like a pathetic coward and scaring our son."

"And what is that smell?"

Here she is paralyzed with malaise and all Chuck can do is yell at her. Refusing to accept this from Chuck she lashes back at him.

"The only thing that stinks here is you. What sort of man gives his wife his blessing to sleep with another man; a Bass-hole that's who?"

As she and Chuck battle it out, Dorota shrieks "Miss Blair you need help, you need shrink!"

Chuck stops yelling and agrees with Dorota.

"You hide here for many days; we scared for your sanity." Dorota continues.

She really is not in the mood for this. She doesn't need a shrink and she does not need them ganging up on her; she just wants whatever this is to go away. It won't go away if they are here badgering her.

Rising from the bed with a hint of menace she retorts, "Dorota may be it's time I returned you to the slum you came from?"

Her vitriol is short lived as she spots a terrified Henry hiding behind Dorota for his dear life. Even her outstretched arms does not beckon him over instead causes him to burrow deeper into Dorota's skirt.

The shock of seeing a terrified Henry causes her to acquiesce. She can not have her baby being terrified of her.

Dorota arranges for an appointment that afternoon.

Dr Sherman her childhood psychiatrist had retired a few years ago and passed her paperwork (with her permission) to his colleague Dr Farkas who was based at the Fifth Avenue Psychiatry [1]. Dr Farkas is an elderly gentleman about 65 years old with peppered hair and wireframe glasses that he sometimes peers out of like an old school librarian.

He begins the session asking her reasons for coming.

She tells him in clipped tones that she is here under duress. Her maid and husband ganged up on her and forced her here.

Dr Farkas tries to elicit some more information from her about why she is here but, she only responds with monosyllabic answers.

"I see from my notes from Dr Sherman that you are bulimic, have you regressed lately?

Her only response is a nod.

He continues to pepper her with questions but, she really isn't in the mood for this; she is here against her will. She continues to respond with monosyllabic answers and sometimes she doesn't even answer his questions at all.

She is sick of the "and how do you feel about that" that follows every thing she utters. Internally she makes a vow to attend future sessions in her Jackie Onassis style Gucci sunglasses.

After her first session, she makes her way back to her car. She is in the mood for hot beverage but, is scared to go to any of her usual places in case she bumps into anyone she knows. She goes to Veselka instead.

She must be truly insane because she thinks she sees Dan in everything. Even the Barista reminds her of Dan.

A week into her treatment, she visits Madame Suzette's store on fifth; Madame Suzette knew all the gossip as well as the latest fashion and what would be in fashion in years to come.

She goes to Madame Suzettes store on fifth under the guise of checking out her new wares from Paris.

To her surprise, no one is talking it, in fact there is no news about her except that she is seeing a shrink and there are various rumors why that is. One of the most talked about ones is that she finally found out about Chuck's mistress in Bangkok. Madame Suzette looks at her for confirmation.

She walks out of the store with her head held high even though internally her heart slowly crumbles.

A month into her sessions, she had a particularly stressful day at work, it does not help that Henry has been playing up. Her exchanges with Chuck are a bit frosty this evening due to her rebuffing his attempts this morning by citing a very busy day and full diary.

The frostiness leads to them exchanging a few cross words.

She has had it up to here with his righteous indignation over her malaise that she blurts out in anger: "And who is the lady boy you are keeping on payroll in Bangkok?"

"And while you are formulating an answer I need to know who else you've been sleeping with behind my back. I'm going to need to see my doctor for an aids test because who knows what else you picked up in Bangkok."

"Since you haven't put out in months I doubt you caught anything." He retorts with pursed lips and obviously irritated.

"How long has it been going for?"

Chuck does not look at her.

"Answer me!"

He turns to look at her, his eyes glowering. "You don't get to act holy than thou in this Blair. I was willing to overlook your little dalliances with Humphrey."

He then walks out of their bedroom slamming the in his wake.

She collapses on the bed, her hands are shaking and unshed tears pool in her eyes. To stop her hands shaking she ruffles through her bag to find her phone, she needs something to steady her hands and that would temporarily take her mind of the shambles that is her life.

The phone's web browser is still on Page 6 from the last time she was using her phone. Glaring right back at her is a smiling Mila Kunis exiting JFK with Dan by her side. Mila is brushing her hair off her face with her left hand and on said hand is a two carat blue diamond Cartier Destinee Solitaire Platinum engagement ring [3].

She doesn't realize when she starts hyper ventilating

Dorota walks in a few minutes later and begins to squawk while trying to calm her down.

It takes a few minutes to calm down and she finds herself spent from it all. Grabbing the tissues Dorota offers her she wipes her tear stained face and then spares a quick glance at her face using the compact mirror in her bag.

Dorota calls Dr Farkas's office to arrange an emergency appointment. Luckily for her his last appointment for the evening cancelled and he can fit her in.

When she gets to Dr Farkas office she is a wreck and everything comes out including Chuck's affairs, her dreams and recent encounters with Dan, how her mother prefers Serena to her, her father abandoning her to set up a home with a man and Serena always pilfering things that belong to her.

Dr Farkas begins probes deeper into her childhood and past relationships. From this he establishes that all her issues seem to stem from the fact that she never felt perfect enough for her mother and as a coping mechanism she established the need for perfection/fairytale. He reckons that subconsciously she may have made life choices to substantiate the belief that she is not good enough and she had to be perfect to be worthy of the choices she made.

"So Mrs Bass can you tell me about your relationship with Dan Humphrey?"

How they went from her need for perfection to Humphrey is very bewildering to her.

She does not want to talk about Dan; she has said all that she wants to say on that subject in her opening rant, all she wants right now is for her marriage to be perfect and whatever this is to go away.

As the session comes to a close Dr Farkas insists that due to her current state they need to move their sessions from fortnightly to daily and he then hands her a prescription for diazepam and lithium respectively [7].

She walks out of there still not feeling better however; she senses that a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

A week later towards the end of one of their sessions the doctor opines that what she is experiencing right now is a delayed reaction; a delayed reaction to what has been unfolding for many years.

She not convinced about his prognosis.

"A delayed reaction to what, Humphrey? Oh please!"

She tells him that he doesn't know what he is talking about and then calls him a quack before storming out.

Deliberately, she misses the next three sessions to spite him.

Due to much cajoling from Dorota she starts attending her sessions again. Dorota follows her to the session to ensure that she truly sees the doctor and does not hightail it out of there.

Doctor Farkas starts the session by asking why questions about Dan Humphrey makes her irate or defensive.

Before she can respond with a witty comeback Dorota says "Miss Blair always defensive when she is trying to hide something."

She glares at Dorota pointedly and then squaring her shoulders she turns to the doctor and with a beatific smile and an arched eyebrow says, "Dorota is delusional!"

"Every time she and lonely boy go kaput, she become crazy Miss Blair."

"Lonely boy? Who is lonely boy? Dr Farkas replies looking to her and Dorota for answers.

Using her hand to shush Dorota before she gives out anymore information no one has asked her for she tells Dr Farkas that lonely boy was a nickname coined by a blog for Dan in high school. She then informs Dr Farkas that she is paying him good money to cure her malaise and not to ask her inconsequential questions.

Dorota interjects again "Look Dr Farkas, Miss Blair is stubborn and not very good at facing reality especially when her plans go kaput."

And with that Dorota begins to tell Dr Farkas about all the stuff that happened recently which led to her needing psychiatric attention. It didn't matter how many times she interjected to correct Dorota's misconceptions of recent events Dr Farkas paid no attention to her and lapped up whatever fabrications Dorota was spewing while scribbling away in his notebook.

Dorota was going to pay for betraying her confidence.

The doctor looks thrilled and tells her that he thinks that this has been an extremely informative session. He also reckons that they may be close to a breakthrough and suggests that going forward he would like her to attend future sessions with close relatives and friends.

Dorota thumping her right fist on her chest says, "No worry I arrange."

As they leave the office, Dorota says something to Dr Farkas in Russian.

She quickly pushes Dorota out the door threatening to kill her by the time they get home.

Chuck is too busy to attend quack meetings.

After much duress, bargaining and blackmailing from her he finally agrees though he stresses that she is the one that has a problem and so he does not understand why he needs to see the shrink.

Chuck manages to sit through halfway of the session and then walks out when Dr Farkas begins to unearth his daddy, mummy and uncle issues. Dorota becomes a substitute for Chuck after that. It really is the best solution for everyone she opines to herself.

After Chuck, Dr Farkas interviews her mother, then her father, Roman, Cyrus, Nate and Serena respectively. The sessions had to be reorganized to accommodate people flying in from overseas and LA.

She firmly refuses to bring/invite Humphrey to any of her sessions and thank God Dr Farkas does not argue with her about that.

Six months into her sessions she begins to feel stronger and better. Dr Farkas remarks that they have made tremendous progress and recommends moving their meetings to once every three months.

As she gets up to leave, Dr Farkas says, "You know Mrs Bass sometimes happily ever after is not perfect. The most important thing is to find something that makes you feel whole and incredibly happy. And sometimes that may entail taking a new direction"

He asks her pointedly, "what would make you incredibly happy?"

She is too afraid to contemplate what that might be.

He asks her to ponder this in the coming months before their next session and bids her farewell.

Even though she is not a particularly religious person as she walks out of the Fifty Avenue Psychiatry building, she looks up to the heavens and asks for a sign.

Her sign does not come and so she puts all her effort into repairing her marriage. Chuck is doing all the right things and they seem to be making a go at it. She thinks she can learn to be make it work. Chuck is Henry's father and a part of her will always love him.

Three months later they are St. Nicholas Russian Orthodox Cathedral attending the wedding of one of one of Chuck's business associate. Henry is part of the bridal train and looks so dapper in his page boy outfit. She blows him a kiss as he walks up the aisle with the rest of the bridal attendants.

The service is predominantly in Russian and she is bored. She is trying very hard not to fish out her phone and occupy herself - the church as a no cell phone policy It doesn't help that Chuck had left her side about an hour ago to go outside to respond to a call.

The chief bridesmaid takes the pulpit and begins to read in English. Blair lets out a sigh of relief, finally someone that speaks English.

_Love is patient, love is kind. _

_It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. _

_It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. _

_Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. _

_It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres._

_Love never fails. [3]_

Everyone claps; the chief bridesmaid beams back at them and then steps down from the podium.

Blair wonders if she finally has her sign. As she begins to contemplate this Chuck walks in and takes his sit beside her.

The service draws to an end a few minutes later and they all make their way to the reception at the Empire.

After the ceremony the words from the service about love continues to reverberate in her head and causes her to question her definition of love.

Gradually in her head things begin to take motion and as the days goes by she begins to comprehend what Dr Farkas's had been talking about.

The next session with Dr Farkis is about a week after the wedding. Before he can speak, she starts the session by saying that he was right and she can finally see that she had been undergoing some sort of delayed reaction. It is really pains her to eat humble pie.

She continues by saying that now that she can finally see through the illusion she realizes that her marriage is over; forced happiness only works for so long.

She loves Chuck; a part of her always will. He was her first in a lot of things and more importantly he is the father of her child. But sadly their fairytale has come to an end, it came to an end months after her twenty first birthday but, she hadn't wanted to accept it then. The reminder of all that she sacrificed to be with him made her hang on.

Now that the illusion is shattered, she now knows that theirs is not a mature relationship; it was a very crazy, intense and twisted thing that had stopped being exciting after Henry was born.

Things are not inevitable just because you say it is repeatedly.

This time when the doctor asks her about Dan Humphrey she is not defensive or irate. A wry smile appears on her face and with an air of regret she tells him everything about Dan.

Dr Farkas postulates that maybe all this time she thought she was running away from Chuck when actually she had been running away from Dan.

Shaking her head vigorously, she cries, Its just…it can't possibly be! I can't love Dan Humphrey, I just can't." She is very close to tears at this point.

"Why not Mrs Bass?"

"He is from Brooklyn!"

"But from all the things you have told me about this guy, where he comes from seems irrelevant."

"Dan is not an option, I think Mila Kunis and her engagement ring might have a problem with that!"

"Ok, let's put aside Mila Kunis, the fact that he comes from Brooklyn and any other baggage or excuse you might have temporarily aside and on this basis I would like you to sum up what Dan Humphrey means to you. What I mean…how does he make you feel.?"

She gulps painfully and looks away from him and slowly begins to articulate, "When I look back in my life, I find that the points where I have been the strongest and happiest are the points where Dan has been in my life."

Dr Farkas nods and makes notes. "Then why the aversion to him?" he asks without looking up from his notes.

She laughs bitterly and mutters "This can't be my life."

"I know you can't probably comprehend this Dr Farkas since you come from the former Soviet Union and to you Brooklyn is probably paradise but, from where I come from Brooklyn is déclassé."

He looks up from his notes with a slight frown on his face, "Aren't you taking this class thing too far? Why is where he comes so important to you?"

He puts down his notes and walks to his desk which is behind the chairs they are sitting on. He picks up another note book, returns back to his seat and then begins to flick through it. He finds what he is looking for and begins to tap on it with the pen that is in his left hand.

There is an air of elation about him when he says, "In a previous session you told me Mr Humphrey was a successful novelist and screen writer. And this Mila Kunis his fiancée is an international film star, so I would say the class thing is not an issue just an excuse."

"Look Dr Farkas, the Mila Kunis' of the world can date whomever they want but, there is a different requirement for Blair Waldorf."

"Interesting, this is the first time I have heard you refer to yourself by your maiden name!"

Dr Farkas puts that notebook down and picks up the notebook he was making notes in earlier and begins to scribble vigorously.

She rolls her eyes and begins to tap her foot in agitation.

He stops writing and finally looks up with a determined look on his face.

"I think you are scared."

"I think you are scared because the feelings that this man elicits in you shatters everything that you have carefully constructed. I really think it has destabilized your very core."

When it is laid so bare before her like this she can't help but, be stupefied.

"Look Mrs Bass, I'm not asking you to be Mrs Humphrey."

"Well he is engaged so I think that would be impossible." She arches her right brow for good measure.

"Mrs Bass I'm not asking you to break an engagement or divorce your husband. All I am trying to do is help you realize and accept your catharsis and eventual metamorphosis."

Dr Farkas then looks at his watch and tells her that they have come to the end of their session.

As she leaves his office her, he tells her that she has made tremendous progress and encourages her to start to think about her happiness and the sort of things that would help her actualize said happiness.

As the weeks go by what she has to do begins to become apparent.

The need to truly understand what love means is paramount as everything she ever believed in now lies in tatters before her. The need to love and nourish herself seems to be the logical first step.

Dan is not an option even if she wanted him to be. If she is brutally honest, she does not think she wants him in her life. Maybe not right now anyway.

Chuck does not like her decision.

Frankly she doesn't care what he thinks anymore; it is not up to him. For Henry's sake she is willing to try and make this amicable. Henry must not have an embittered childhood laden with issues like she and Chuck did - here is she almost thirty and still paying the price.

There are a few tantrums from Chuck that last for months however, after a while something in him backs off, he signs the divorce papers and works at being amicable for Henry's sake.

Chuck keeps the house which is fine by her; she is all about new beginnings now and staying in any home that carries the stench of any of her past relationships is not an option.

Sotheby Homes [4] are commissioned to find her and Henry a place in the UES; she wants somewhere not too far from Chuck in order to make things easy for Henry's commute between his parents' houses.

Sotheby Homes find her a pre-war fifth avenue apartment with 5 bedrooms/bathrooms, amazing park views, staff quarters and a terrace.

While the contracts are being processed she commissions Alexander James Design [5] in England to decorate their new home.

The décor of their home is a mixture of old English manor and American chic. The Alexander James team is very efficient and everything is done within a few weeks.

She and Henry vacate their suite at the Empire and settle into their new home with gusto.

* * *

**Other Notes:**

I have never been to a psychiatrist; my little knowledge of them is from films, TV, novels and the internet. If my description of what a psychiatric session entails is incorrect, kindly let me know and I will correct it.

Another thing, as I have not seen Season 6 and a good portion of Season 5 I don't know if the Empire still exists. I used the Empire in this story (very minor part), if it stopped existing in Season 5 or 6 please let me know and I'll change the hotel name to something else.

**References**

[1] Fifth Avenue Psychiatry is a real psychiatry on Fifth Avenue. I don't know if a Dr Farkas works there as far as I know he is a figment of my imagination.

[2] Two carat diamond Cartier Destinee Solitaire Platinum engagement ring is sold by Cartier but, not in color blue.

[3] "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…" is from 1 Corinthians 13. I have heard this recited at a lot of weddings and I thought it would be a nice touch. Blair asking for a sign was reminiscence of Season 1.

[4] Sotheby Homes is a realtor in NYC, Blair's new home described here and Dan's apartment in Chapter 2 are real and can be found on the Sotheby Homes website

[5] Alexander is an interior design house based in the UK. I initially wanted to go for Amy Lau on the UES but, her designs are very contemporary and I didn't think Blair would like that. She is more Manet and Degas; while Amy Lau seems more Joseph Beuys with a twist of Damien Hirst. I don't know how efficient the Alexander James Design team are as I have never used their service whatever I have written in this chapter about them is pure fiction.

[6] Excerpt from Shakespeare's Sonnet 116.

[7] I read on the internet that diazepam and lithium are used in treating anxiety and depression. As this is what I believe Blair is experiencing at the moment, I included it in the story. However, anyone more knowledgeable should feel free to advise on what would be more appropriate, thank you in advance.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:** I decided to take a break from writing from Blair's point of view in order to write from another character's point of view, Jenny's. This was very tough to write because my brain found it difficult to break from Blair's character even though Jenny had lots to say.

Hopefully this does not detract from the story and hopefully sheds more light into the previous and next chapter.

This story takes place somewhere after the previous story but, not directly afterwards – it's kind of a coda for the next chapter really but, I thought it would work/sit nicely here, so that when you read the next chapter after this one, it will act as an exposition.

Look forward to reading your comments.

No beta all mistakes are mine.

* * *

Jenny is running late getting to Dan's house. Their father had called her over an hour ago telling her that the coast was clear for her to go to the Dan's house to get the plan in motion. He and Dan were out getting some coffee and then were going to Bunker Studios to listen to some emerging artists/band that Dad was looking at producing.

Who would have known that putting finishing touches to a chiffon dress for a client would take over an hour? She hopes Dad and Dan are not back at Dan's yet. She sends a quick text to her father as she makes her way out of her apartment.

Rufus texts back telling her that he already has it covered.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she flags a down a cab and makes her way to Dan's place in Clinton Hill.

Getting out of the cab, she passes a twenty to the cab driver and jumps out of the car, yelling at him to keep the change. Pushing the gate she lets herself into Dan's compound and dashes up the concrete steps towards the main door [1] in a little run.

As she pushes their father's spare key through the keyhole the door swings open abruptly to reveal a scowling Blair Waldorf.

"You are late!"

What is Blair doing here? She stammers a quick excuse, "Sorry I got held up…"

"Save your excuses for someone who cares Jenny. It's a good thing my plans were not dependent on you anyway!"

Her plans, what do her plans have to do with Dan's birthday? Gosh she hopes this is not one of Blair's schemes; she thought they outgrew that years ago. Plus she didn't think Dan was on Blair's radar.

Blair walks away leaving Jenny standing agape by the door. Jenny contemplates that this might be some sort of trap and slowly walks into the apartment in trepidation, sizing her surroundings surreptiously as she shuts the door quietly behind her.

Stealthily taking off her coat, she noses around hoping to spy sometime that would give up whatever Blair has store as she absentmindedly places her coat and purse on the nearest chair/armchair.

"Uh uhn, you either hang that on the coat hanger or put it one of the bedrooms, I'm not having this place looking like a mess when Dan walks in."

Who is Blair to tell her where to put her stuff in her brother's house?

Fuming quietly she grabs her coat in a huff and places it along with her purse on the wooden coat hanger nestled between the door and the adjoining wall and follows Blair into the living room.

Turning around she finally takes in her environment properly and notices the beautiful decorations amassed in Dan's living room. There are different colored balloons and streamers everywhere and strategically placed banners screaming "Happy Birthday Dan" upon the walls.

Blair is at the dinning table putting finishing touches to the food and decorations nestled there which in her opinion does not need any finishing touches because they already look perfect.

Summing up some courage she breathes out chokingly, "What are you doing here Blair?"

Blair sizes her and then gives her a look that clearly implies that she is an idiot.

With a withering look and harrumphingly retorts, "What does it look like Jenny?"

"Actually I am not in the mood for twenty questions a la Lil J, so you can either stand there looking like a goldfish or come over here and help me set up before your brother gets home".

Feeling sheepish about forgetting why she was here in the first place she grudgingly asks Blair what is left to be done. Blair points in the direction of the kitchen and asks her to get the hot plates from the plate warmer.

Jenny walks out of the living room into the passage and walks in the direction of the kitchen. Upon getting to the kitchen she is stupefied because she has no clue where the plate warmer is, what it looks like or that her brother indeed has one.

She wonders if she has been sent on a wild goose chase and if this is part of Blair's elaborate plot. Blair being here is just plain weird, it has to be a plot.

In addition, she does not understand why Blair is bossing her around in her brother's house.

She knows Blair and Dan had thing years ago but, it ended badly and it was hardly a blimp in anyone's radar. Dan rarely talked about it; actually he refused to talk about it. But, that was years ago and does not explain Blair's presence here.

She forgoes looking for the plates or plate warmer and rushes back to the living room.

"I'm not going to let you get away with whatever you have planned Blair. Dan is a good person and I don't know what he has done to deserve you setting him up. I won't let you hurt me brother."

"Are you deranged?"

"What?" stumbles out of her mouth uncontrollably. She is taken aback by Blair's response.

"Look I know you had some lost years where you dressed like a Courtney Love reject but, I thought that was a passing phase. But it is obvious to me that you have clearly lost your marbles."

"Don't try and use subterfuge to con me, I'm on to your …"

"Look Jenny, frankly I don't care what cockamamie thing you've cooked up in your head, I need those hot plates now, so go into the kitchen and get them."

"Blair…"

"I swear if this surprise birthday party is a disaster I will not only tell your brother that you deliberately sabotaged his day because of some petty high school vendetta you still hold against me. I will also hold you responsible for ruining everything and will make you pay. You know me Lil J, I don't make empty promises."

She finds herself rushing back into the kitchen looking for hot plates and a hot plate warmer. She can't find them, wherever or whatever they are.

After a few minutes, she rolls her eyes in disbelief and chastises herself for letting Blair get to her.

She can't find the blasted plates and decides to grab the first set of plates she finds in the cupboard and returns with them to the living room.

Blair gives her a dirty look and in a scolding tone tells her those are not the plates she asked her to get but, are cold plates from the cupboard.

Still unsure of what Blair is talking about she asks Blair where warm plates are.

"In the plate warmer, where else!"

Looking perturbed Jenny returns to the kitchen, she puts the plates back in the cupboard and then stands by the kitchen island wondering where the hot plates and plate warmer might be.

A fuming Blair stomps into the kitchen a few minutes later muttering something about doing everything herself and Humphrey better be double appreciative of her efforts and for not killing his idiotic sister.

Blair opens a compartment next to the oven and using a pair of white napkins pulls out a stack of plates gracefully. Holding the plates close to her, she eyes Jenny for full measure before walking out of the kitchen.

Feeling like a prize idiot Jenny follows her back into the living room where Blair is placing the plates into a metal container next to the chafing dishes on the dinning table. After finishing her task Blair grabs her phone from the dinning table and makes a phone call.

It's to their dad (Rufus) telling him that it was time.

The whole thing feels her with dread and a tinge of déjà vu; what is Blair up to?

Blair barks at her that she is going upstairs to hide in one of the bedrooms and she mustn't tell Dan that she is here.

Blair walks out of the living room and Jenny uses that opportunity to take a peek around to make sure there are no booby traps lying in wait. She also makes a quick call to her father to stall him but, he is not picking up. So she lives a voicemail and sends a quick text.

Her efforts are in vain because a few minutes later Dad and Dan arrive boisterously through the door. Dad yells surprise as he and Dan step into the living room. She echoes the same word "surprise' quietly, intent on not being a part of Blair's dastard plan to entrap her brother.

Dan jumps back in a startled fashion and looks pleasantly surprised. He pulls dad and her into a hug and smiles so brightly that it pains her that this might end up being an evil plot.

Blair rushes down the stairs and flies into the living room yelling "surprise." Dan leaves their side and engulfs Blair in a tight hug "I thought you were going to be in Paris." Blair returns the hug enthusiastically.

"Ok I should have smelt a rat when Dad was so keen to spend time at the Brooklyn Museum. I mean he hated the place when I was a kid and only ventured in it because I liked going there. I don't know why I believed he was dying to see the exhibits."

"Ah thanks guys. I was pleasantly surprised." Blairs strokes Dan's arm and announces "Shall we eat?" Blair

"Oh yes!" Rufus responds clapping his hands together enthusiastically and then walks over to the table. Blair grabs Dan's hand and drags him towards the laden dinning table. Jenny looks on in bewilderment, is it possible that she was in the twilight zone? Is she the only one on her alert that Blair's presence here could spell trouble? Dan and Dad seem to be taking Blair's presence here as a given.

Dan, Dad and Blair grab plates from that metal thingy where Blair placed them earlier and serve themselves food and then ensconce to the living room area and munched away, chatting happily.

Her Dad beckons for her to join them. Slowly she walks to the table, grabs some food and joins them; all the time keeping an eye on Blair. She was going to make sure any of Blair's attempts where foiled and her brother's day was not ruined.

Blair opens a bottle of Krug Brut Vintage champagne while Dad and Dan go back to the table for seconds.

Blair hands out glasses of champagne to everyone and they all raise their flutes and make a toast to Dan.

Everyone gulps down their champagne, everyone but her. Who knows what it's laced with?

Dan and Dad tuck into their seconds.

A few minutes later Dan and Blair fight over pierogies. Blair wants Dan to share the pierogies on his plate and he tells her to go and get hers as there are many in the chafing dish on the table. Some sort of playful wrestle ensues and Dan remains the victor but, Blair's post wrestle pout makes him secede and he feeds her some of the pierogies on his plate.

_What in the world? _Jenny mutters to herself and she looks on in disbelief. She rolls her eyes at the stupidity of men. Just keep falling into her evil plans Dan, why don't cha?

She looks at her Dad for support but, he thinks Dan and Blair's antics are cute and he is chuckling away at their display. The onus definitely lies on her to spare this family from whatever Blair has planned.

It is cake time, she makes sure she rushes to get the cake and lights the candle before Blair does.

As she brings out the cake, Dad begins the rendition of "Happy Birthday to you" song and she and Blair join in. Dan blows the candles of his cake first and cuts his cake.

Blair grabs her mobile and takes photos of the Dan and the cake, the whole family and then selfies of the whole family and Blair.

Jenny sees to the cutting of the cake before Blair can, she is taking no chances. She ignores the dagger looks from Blair.

Very soon everyone is ensconced in the living room munching away and sipping more champagne. The Krug is very nice.

Dan opens his presents with glee while the rest of them munch on some more cake; it practically melts in the mouth and has a soft and luxurious texture. She asks Dad if he got it from the bakery he usually gets their cakes from, only for him to reply that Blair bought the cake.

Much to her surprise Dan's present from her and Dad is a first edition Hemingway. She knew Dad was seeing to the presents but, she thought the most he would get Dan are some fancy pens or rare vinyls. A first edition, she wonders how much that must have set him back.

Blair got Dan half a dozen Mont Blanc pens and molehill books.

Later she hears Dan whispering thank you to Blair for helping their Dad with the Hemingway book, only for Blair to protest that she had nothing to do with it. Dan replies by saying that the only way their father and/or Jenny could get him a Hemingway talk less a first edition is if they had some help. And the only person he knows with that sort of knowledge is her.

Dad went to Blair, why?

They play board games like scrabble and trivial pursuit while sipping some more champagne. Dan and Blair beat her and Dad in both games. So, after two sets of each board game they decide to stop. Dan suggests watching some films instead and brings out an old fashion film projector with film reels and a screen; apparently this was the birthday present Blair gave him a few days ago as a decoy.

He arranges the projector and screen in place and then waxes lyrical about someone called Rohmer. Gosh Dan and his art house films! Blair insists that they have to watch _My Night at Maud's._

Dan puts the film reel in place, starts the projector and joins Blair on the sofa.

Blair mutters that they can't watch films without pizza and in unison they yell out 'gourmet'. What is that about?

Dan stops the film and Blair orders some gourmet pizza. The pizza arrives a few minutes later and they all settle down to eat it with some merlot. Dan then starts the film again and switches of the light. The living room is awash with soft light streaming from the screen and the lowering ember of the fire place as they watch _My Night at Maud's_.

The film comes to an end and Dan asks her to switch on the light; she gets up to do so.

Dad is snoring softly from the armchair while Blair is fast asleep with her head on Dan's lap and a cushion pillowing her head. So that's why Dan asked her to get the light.

Dan shakes Blair's shoulder gently trying to wake her, apart from a few mutterings she doesn't budge. Dan says to no one in particular "she is definitely gone and not waking up till morning.

He asks her to wake Dad so that he can sleep in one of the spare rooms. She does as he asks. Dad gets up, bids them good night and walks upstairs.

Dan asks her if she is staying over, she wants to decline but, remembers that Blair is here and wonders if the coup d'etat might happen tomorrow. So, she nods in response to his question. He tells her that she can have the other spare room.

"Where is Blair going to sleep, will you be taking her home?"

He shrugs, "Nah she can probably have my room. If I leave her here, she'll probably get a stiff neck and I'll never hear the end of it."

"Where are you going to sleep then?" she asks forebodingly

"I'll probably share with Blair."

Dan must have seen the look of shock on her face and adds in an assured tone, "Oh…don't worry we've done this many times she wont mind. It's kinda like our movie night tradition."

Dan moves gently, gets up lifting Blair in his arms and walks upstairs towards the bedrooms.

She looks on in stupefied silence and vows to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

When I thought of Dan's house in Clinton Hill I imagined the 184 Hall Street, Clinton Hill property that was listed on the realestate dot nytimes dot com website - alas it is no longer listed.


End file.
